We Were Friends

And will always be..

Sometimes I wish I had spent my childhood in a single place and have a hometown where everybody knows my name, with lifelong friends who are like families. But then there is always an upside to moving around a lot - you get to meet new friends all the time. And over the years of moving around, I am lucky to have met and gotten acquainted with amazing people. This post is a tribute to all the friends that I have met along the way. I have mentioned only a few of the meaningful friendships that I had encountered as a kid. But there are so many others who have played a significant role in my life and for that, I want to thank everyone who has ever been a friend. 

LUNGLEI

1. The first friend that I can recall was Richard, a chubby-cheeked boy without whom I could not survive for even a day. I remember one day he had a tooth removed because of which his mouth was swollen and couldn't speak. I was sulking so much because I couldn't be with him that day. And I found out when I went home this year that Richard is no more.  We lost touch as soon as he moved away and had a brief connection with him again when we were teenagers. I am terribly sad to know that he is gone cos' he still holds a very special place in my heart.

2. Pu Saichuha - I had a unique bond with this old man who lived all alone in a tiny house with no one to support him. I think he lived on a small old age pension that the govt. provided him with. He used to get free biscuits from some kind people from the social welfare department every month, which he used to share with me. And as a friend, I used to hoard vegetables and rice from our kitchen and give it to him whenever he had little to eat. Grandma told me recently that once, I had collected wood scraps from the church while there was some construction going on so that he could use it as firewood :P.

3. Zuitea was the one who gave me a permanent scar on my right cheek. I can still recall the incident. He was trying to get inside the house and I pulled the door from inside while he was pushing. He won and as soon as he came in, he clawed at my face. I don't remember him much as his family moved out of the neighbourhood pretty early but I used to curse him so much for the scar during my teenage days:)

3. And there were the two Tetes. We were all neighbours and I can vividly recall us enjoying a big bar of dairy milk that was bought with the 100 bucks one of the Tetes stole from her mom. We had the time of our lives:)

4. Richard moved out and Zualtea & Family moved in. My fondest memories of Zualtea and his brothers involved stealing fruits from our garden, playing hide and seek, sliding down water pipes and stealing 'Red Cow' (the household brand for milk powder at the time) from the top of our kitchen cabinet. I still remember on our first day of school at Southern Flowers School, Zualtea cried and kicked his legs the whole time because he didn't want to be in school. He eventually had to quit for a year. (Sorry Zualtea, had to talk about this:)

That's Zualtea, all grown up now:) BTW he is single

5. And then came Hruaitea. The first day that Hruaitea moved in, I had a fight with Zualtea and Beng Beng. So, I knocked on Hruaitea's door and invited him to partner with me in fighting these guys. His mom or aunt was feeding him food at that time and I was told that he would join as soon as he finished his food. And then I remember going back to Zualtea's house screaming something like this - "Ka thianpa lo awmthar huai deuh a awma, in chak lo viau ang" (meaning: I have a new friend who had just moved in and he is very brave, we will kick your arse). The irony of it was that Hruaitea was quite a weak and fragile boy who fell sick a lot. For a long time, he was one of my closest friends. He was the de-facto groom and I, the bride whenever we played 'weddings'. More on that here.

That's Hruaitea and me in pink in the early 90s

6. Mamuanteii -  Mamuanteii & I were introduced by our moms when I was in Class 1 at LKM school. She was in Class 2 at that time. We became totally inseparable. The term 'best friend' used to be a sacrosanct word reserved only for her. The funny part was that she was stick thin and I was super chubby. We got teased a lot for that - Laurel and Hardy, Stick and Ball etc. Although I moved out of Lunglei very shortly, we remained in touch through letters for the longest time. And I visited the town almost every Christmas so it was almost like we still grew up together in a way. Like, she taught me the theory for my first kiss thanks to which I was quite a pro when the real thing happened:)

That's Mamuanteii, she's the mother of a beautiful girl now

KOLASIB

7.  Ruatfeli - She may be Maruati for many but for me, she is still 'Ruatfeli'. This girl and I have seriously lost touch because we no longer have the same friend circle and we have been living in different places since class 8. Maruati and I met as freshers in St. Maria School. We were classmates and also from the same church. Her home was my weekend home and we transitioned together from being crazy about barbies, hating boys and playing house to being crazy about Boyzone and Backstreet Boys, and having mad crushes on boys.

That's Maruati, sitting pretty in a church

8. Rinnungi, Zuazuali and the entire Agriculture Complex Gang - These girls and I lived in the same complex and our parents were good friends as well. So, while I used to spend most of my weekends at Ruatfeli's, most of the other days were spent with them. We did a lot of Miss Contests, played cards and group dances together. Oh! And who will forget those wonderful fishing trips. We also had epic Christmas Carols and Eve celebrations in our complex as all the parents were quite fun-loving and bonded really well. I think this era was my most happening childhood memory ever!

Rinnungi & Jerry on their Wedding Day

Zuazuali - Zuali Khiangte with Snaden

SHILLONG

9. This is where I met Joy and Raisa. The three of us really bonded over the movie 'Now & Then'. We were so influenced by the movie that we tried to live like the girls in the movie. We formed a group called 'Zany' and even had a theme song: I think it went something like this - We are the Zanians and we believe in God, One for all and all for one is our theme (Uff, how I miss these girls). BTW we had a code name too, and boy names at that. I don't remember exactly why though:)

Raisa is happily married now

Joy - she still has the prettiest smile ever :)

10. Basuklin, my classmate/benchmate/soul sister at Sunny Dale school (1998). We were quite the mean girls of our class. Basuklin - I don't know where you are but if you ever come across this post, I want to know how you are doing.

Stopping here for now as beyond this, the stories are not as cute.

HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY!

My Grandma the Rockstar

Spoke to grandma after almost 2 months and I got reminded of how lucky I am to have one hell of a woman for a grandmother. She deserves all the blessings in this world! And no, she did not win an award or started a multi-billion dollar business. 

Grandma is the strongest, most resilient and hardworking woman that I’ve ever known in real life. I am not just saying this not because she’s my grandma but because it’s true. Here’s why: 

The daughter of a Baptist pastor, grandma had a conservative upbringing and a not so luxurious childhood. She was educated up to 6th standard (I don’t know why she didn’t study further but I’m going to ask her next time). As she grew up, she used to work very hard to help pay for the education of her brothers most of whom went on to become very successful by the standards of Mizoram. 

And then she got married and started a life with my grandfather in Lunglei. Just 20 years into their marriage, grandpa passed away leaving grandma and their 7 young children behind. She supported the family with her small tailoring business and took up a job as a crafts teacher in a govt. high school. I bet she did a good job. Today, she beams with pride telling me that a lot of girls that she had taught in high school now make a living out of weaving and tailoring.  The irony is that I have not picked up any of these skills from her:)

In addition to her job, she was always up for other avenues to provide for her children and grand children. She always had a full-fledged vegetable garden and at one point a farm, and then then there were the mini pig and poultry businesses. She doesn’t have it in her to be calculative or business- minded but damn, the woman is hardworking. 

Another thing that I wanted to point out about her is that she is very thrifty. She always makes sure that she spends her money wisely, hardly treats herself to the good things in life. This is because life has been difficult for her and she’s not had anything easy. Till today, it’s very difficult to convince her to part with old clothes, old things in general. But when it comes to her kids, her grandchildren and the society at large, she is super generous. Tell her that you like something in her wardrobe, she won’t rest until she gives it to you. As a kid, I remember that there was always a share of fresh garden produce reserved for neighbours and relatives.  And I used to be in charge of distributing them:) 

She’s now retired, almost 70 now. She still runs a tiny poultry business, a full-fledged kitchen garden and owns all the cooking responsibilities in the house. I don’t think she’ll ever rest. 

Oh did I mention that she survived cancer?

Thank you Lord for grandma and the long life that you've given her! 

Going Solo

It's hard to believe that I have been living alone for almost six months, and surviving it! People who used to know me back in boarding school and undergrad days will know exactly what I am talking about - how chicken-hearted I used to be when it comes to being alone in the house at any point of time, especially at night. I remember having my own room for the first time when I was in 11th std - I used to start the night at my room only to find myself waking up in mom's room the next day. During my undergrad (Grace Home) days,  I used to go room to room, begging and coercing people to stay overnight with me whenever my roommates were away. Hospitals used to (and still do) creep me out the most as they host so many deaths. I don't know how exactly I've come to reach a stage where I am actually living all alone but I believe it was a gradual process. I think it started the day I gathered all my guts to visit 'Scary House' and face my fear. Since then, I have progressed from staying alone in the house while my roomies were on a night out, to having my own room during post grad days, to living in a semi-independent flat adjacent to my aunty's and finally to where I am today, living independently in a 1BHK flat.

I remember how nervous and doubtful I was when I first made the decision of living alone. Although there are certain perks to it, I was really worried about my safety, where I would run to in case I get scared at night or have a medical emergency. Thankfully, my anxiety got reduced when I found out that there was a Mizo family living downstairs, who by the way have been so awesome. Here's a big shout out to Aunty Nuteii - my new BFF, Siama Sailo and Marley Sailo! :).

The first few weeks, I found myself celebrating my new-found independence which involved having wine and cheese in the company of myself after a hard day's work whilst watching sitcoms back to back. I didn't want to leave the house even on weekends as I immensely enjoyed the quality time spent with myself. Sometimes, I would pile up dirty dishes and throw my clothes everywhere, soaking in the feeling that I didn't have to be concerned about anyone's feeling other than my own. When it came to doing household chores, I was very content with the fact that I didn't have to expect someone to share the workload.

After a month of going solo and loving it, boredom slowly sunk in and I found myself craving the company of people and getting really depressed about being alone, doing everything alone and for myself. As a result, I was exchanging a lot of phone calls with my besties, speaking for hours and hours with them discussing the most random of things.  

Now I am at a stage where I have wholly adapted - living alone has become a normal thing - nothing to be dreaded or celebrated. The weird part though, is that I find myself sharing a peculiar relationship with my flat and the things that I own. It has become extremely difficult for me to stay overnight anywhere else. Even on nights when I am out till late, I make it a point to retreat back to my pad. I missed my bed terribly while I was away in Mumbai for two weeks. Weird huh?!

When it comes to dealing with security concerns, there are certain precautions that I take religiously. Whenever I am out for a long time, I keep the door open as I enter the house and lock it only after looking around and ascertaining that it is intruder free. I barely move out of the bedroom once I secure the door for a safe trip to dreamland and hence make it a point to keep all the essentials with me before getting ready to bed. Also, I keep the door wide open whenever somebody comes to deliver things at my place and I never blindly open the door to whoever knocks. 

I am not sure if I'll continue with my 'solo' stint for long but one thing I can say for sure is that it's a luxury that one must indulge in at least once during single-hood. To make things easier for those of you who have not had the solo experience yet, I am listing out the pros and cons of based on my experience:-

PROS

• You can walk around naked in the house (Not saying that I do it:)).
• You only need to buy the stuffs that you like - eg: you no longer have to buy that vegetable you so hate but your roommate loves.
• You can be really messy/ a cleanliness freak if you want to.
• You don't have to worry about who does what - division of responsibility.
• You can bring as many guests whenever you like and switch back to privacy mode when you wish.
• You dictate the choice of music in the house - what, when, when not.

CONS

• You don't have a 24/7 agony aunt/ cheerleader and that sucks. Imagine coming home after a bad day or a great day at work with no one to talk to, or after a major shopping spree with noone there to help you justify your case or admire your fresh loot with.
• You shop, cook, eat and clean for yourself and that gets boring over a period of time. There's no one to compliment your cooking and help out with the dishes.
• Living alone is expensive.
• Low level of security.
• The longer you live alone, it gets more and more difficult to adjust to the thought of living with other people again.

Whatever it is, for now here's a toast to "Going Solo" and independence!

X

Confessions of a B School Survivor

My life at IIMB has drawn to a close and I am glad that  I  landed here because this institute has taught me so much.There are the hard skills -  It gave me my first experience of using a scientific calculator, making power point presentations (never used power point in college), using excel sheets, the meaning of debit & credit  etc etc and then there are those that I could never truly get. However, the most valuable lessons that I have learnt here are the life lessons, the much neglected soft-skills. The first few months of my common existence with some of the best minds in the country pushed and shoved me under-ground and my confidence level was, close to zero. I had experienced so much pressure for the first time in my life (I was a general arts student so one can imagine). I did not handle it well but it was an experience that shaped my life and I am glad to have learnt from it. I have met many people who also succumbed to the pressure, including my own friends who have done and said things that I normally deem as inappropriate, opportunistic etc. However, I also know that if anyone else had been in this situation for the first time, there's a high chance that they would have also screwed up. So, I have learnt to understand, be non-judgmental and give people a chance. Of course, there are people whose nature is permanently like that and the best way to deal with such people is to just leave them be because we can't be friends with everyone and we don't have to like everyone. I have also learnt that the most important things in life are the relationships that we have - our relationship with God and everyone else. My biggest regret is that I have compromised on a lot of these relationships during this period of my life and  I now realize that it's NOT AT ALL WORTH IT. There is more to life than grades, degrees and achievements... Money can certainly give one the power to get material things...power, prestige, fame, possessions, fake friends, fake love etc, but there is one thing that it certainly cannot give,“happiness". I never got as much happiness dining out in the fanciest of restaurants with a heart that is broken than having mug noodles with rice and some obscure South Indian curry in a cramped room with a loved one. It's easy to take things for granted when you know that it's there but it's a loss that makes you realize that whatever you wanted, looked, striven and  yearned for was right there with you. Suddenly all the fancy cars, plush accommodations, high flying career etc. seem to lose their shine when it comes to the end of the line. A valuable lesson indeed and I wish I did not have to learn it the hard way...but I am mighty glad I learned!