We Were Friends

And will always be..

Sometimes I wish I had spent my childhood in a single place and have a hometown where everybody knows my name, with lifelong friends who are like families. But then there is always an upside to moving around a lot - you get to meet new friends all the time. And over the years of moving around, I am lucky to have met and gotten acquainted with amazing people. This post is a tribute to all the friends that I have met along the way. I have mentioned only a few of the meaningful friendships that I had encountered as a kid. But there are so many others who have played a significant role in my life and for that, I want to thank everyone who has ever been a friend. 

LUNGLEI

1. The first friend that I can recall was Richard, a chubby-cheeked boy without whom I could not survive for even a day. I remember one day he had a tooth removed because of which his mouth was swollen and couldn't speak. I was sulking so much because I couldn't be with him that day. And I found out when I went home this year that Richard is no more.  We lost touch as soon as he moved away and had a brief connection with him again when we were teenagers. I am terribly sad to know that he is gone cos' he still holds a very special place in my heart.

2. Pu Saichuha - I had a unique bond with this old man who lived all alone in a tiny house with no one to support him. I think he lived on a small old age pension that the govt. provided him with. He used to get free biscuits from some kind people from the social welfare department every month, which he used to share with me. And as a friend, I used to hoard vegetables and rice from our kitchen and give it to him whenever he had little to eat. Grandma told me recently that once, I had collected wood scraps from the church while there was some construction going on so that he could use it as firewood :P.

3. Zuitea was the one who gave me a permanent scar on my right cheek. I can still recall the incident. He was trying to get inside the house and I pulled the door from inside while he was pushing. He won and as soon as he came in, he clawed at my face. I don't remember him much as his family moved out of the neighbourhood pretty early but I used to curse him so much for the scar during my teenage days:)

3. And there were the two Tetes. We were all neighbours and I can vividly recall us enjoying a big bar of dairy milk that was bought with the 100 bucks one of the Tetes stole from her mom. We had the time of our lives:)

4. Richard moved out and Zualtea & Family moved in. My fondest memories of Zualtea and his brothers involved stealing fruits from our garden, playing hide and seek, sliding down water pipes and stealing 'Red Cow' (the household brand for milk powder at the time) from the top of our kitchen cabinet. I still remember on our first day of school at Southern Flowers School, Zualtea cried and kicked his legs the whole time because he didn't want to be in school. He eventually had to quit for a year. (Sorry Zualtea, had to talk about this:)

That's Zualtea, all grown up now:) BTW he is single

5. And then came Hruaitea. The first day that Hruaitea moved in, I had a fight with Zualtea and Beng Beng. So, I knocked on Hruaitea's door and invited him to partner with me in fighting these guys. His mom or aunt was feeding him food at that time and I was told that he would join as soon as he finished his food. And then I remember going back to Zualtea's house screaming something like this - "Ka thianpa lo awmthar huai deuh a awma, in chak lo viau ang" (meaning: I have a new friend who had just moved in and he is very brave, we will kick your arse). The irony of it was that Hruaitea was quite a weak and fragile boy who fell sick a lot. For a long time, he was one of my closest friends. He was the de-facto groom and I, the bride whenever we played 'weddings'. More on that here.

That's Hruaitea and me in pink in the early 90s

6. Mamuanteii -  Mamuanteii & I were introduced by our moms when I was in Class 1 at LKM school. She was in Class 2 at that time. We became totally inseparable. The term 'best friend' used to be a sacrosanct word reserved only for her. The funny part was that she was stick thin and I was super chubby. We got teased a lot for that - Laurel and Hardy, Stick and Ball etc. Although I moved out of Lunglei very shortly, we remained in touch through letters for the longest time. And I visited the town almost every Christmas so it was almost like we still grew up together in a way. Like, she taught me the theory for my first kiss thanks to which I was quite a pro when the real thing happened:)

That's Mamuanteii, she's the mother of a beautiful girl now

KOLASIB

7.  Ruatfeli - She may be Maruati for many but for me, she is still 'Ruatfeli'. This girl and I have seriously lost touch because we no longer have the same friend circle and we have been living in different places since class 8. Maruati and I met as freshers in St. Maria School. We were classmates and also from the same church. Her home was my weekend home and we transitioned together from being crazy about barbies, hating boys and playing house to being crazy about Boyzone and Backstreet Boys, and having mad crushes on boys.

That's Maruati, sitting pretty in a church

8. Rinnungi, Zuazuali and the entire Agriculture Complex Gang - These girls and I lived in the same complex and our parents were good friends as well. So, while I used to spend most of my weekends at Ruatfeli's, most of the other days were spent with them. We did a lot of Miss Contests, played cards and group dances together. Oh! And who will forget those wonderful fishing trips. We also had epic Christmas Carols and Eve celebrations in our complex as all the parents were quite fun-loving and bonded really well. I think this era was my most happening childhood memory ever!

Rinnungi & Jerry on their Wedding Day

Zuazuali - Zuali Khiangte with Snaden

SHILLONG

9. This is where I met Joy and Raisa. The three of us really bonded over the movie 'Now & Then'. We were so influenced by the movie that we tried to live like the girls in the movie. We formed a group called 'Zany' and even had a theme song: I think it went something like this - We are the Zanians and we believe in God, One for all and all for one is our theme (Uff, how I miss these girls). BTW we had a code name too, and boy names at that. I don't remember exactly why though:)

Raisa is happily married now

Joy - she still has the prettiest smile ever :)

10. Basuklin, my classmate/benchmate/soul sister at Sunny Dale school (1998). We were quite the mean girls of our class. Basuklin - I don't know where you are but if you ever come across this post, I want to know how you are doing.

Stopping here for now as beyond this, the stories are not as cute.

HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY!

My Grandma the Rockstar

Spoke to grandma after almost 2 months and I got reminded of how lucky I am to have one hell of a woman for a grandmother. She deserves all the blessings in this world! And no, she did not win an award or started a multi-billion dollar business. 

Grandma is the strongest, most resilient and hardworking woman that I’ve ever known in real life. I am not just saying this not because she’s my grandma but because it’s true. Here’s why: 

The daughter of a Baptist pastor, grandma had a conservative upbringing and a not so luxurious childhood. She was educated up to 6th standard (I don’t know why she didn’t study further but I’m going to ask her next time). As she grew up, she used to work very hard to help pay for the education of her brothers most of whom went on to become very successful by the standards of Mizoram. 

And then she got married and started a life with my grandfather in Lunglei. Just 20 years into their marriage, grandpa passed away leaving grandma and their 7 young children behind. She supported the family with her small tailoring business and took up a job as a crafts teacher in a govt. high school. I bet she did a good job. Today, she beams with pride telling me that a lot of girls that she had taught in high school now make a living out of weaving and tailoring.  The irony is that I have not picked up any of these skills from her:)

In addition to her job, she was always up for other avenues to provide for her children and grand children. She always had a full-fledged vegetable garden and at one point a farm, and then then there were the mini pig and poultry businesses. She doesn’t have it in her to be calculative or business- minded but damn, the woman is hardworking. 

Another thing that I wanted to point out about her is that she is very thrifty. She always makes sure that she spends her money wisely, hardly treats herself to the good things in life. This is because life has been difficult for her and she’s not had anything easy. Till today, it’s very difficult to convince her to part with old clothes, old things in general. But when it comes to her kids, her grandchildren and the society at large, she is super generous. Tell her that you like something in her wardrobe, she won’t rest until she gives it to you. As a kid, I remember that there was always a share of fresh garden produce reserved for neighbours and relatives.  And I used to be in charge of distributing them:) 

She’s now retired, almost 70 now. She still runs a tiny poultry business, a full-fledged kitchen garden and owns all the cooking responsibilities in the house. I don’t think she’ll ever rest. 

Oh did I mention that she survived cancer?

Thank you Lord for grandma and the long life that you've given her! 

Of Police Stations and more..

Today, I was at the Police Station for the 6th time in my life and thanks to the long waiting time, old memories flashed through my mind. One incident which particularly stood out happened in 2005 when I was harassed by some random guy on the street (henceforth referred to as "the guy"). It happened around 10:00 pm while I was walking down a very busy and packed Brigade road in Bangalore towards the auto stand (have mentioned this incident in my earlier post). In case some of you are wondering what I was wearing, I was in fact modestly dressed; completely covered up from the neck down.

Anyways, coming back to my story, I remember screaming and hitting the guy with my bag. Suddenly, a crowd gathered around us and some of them told me to let him go or forget it. Thankfully, there was a gentleman named Anthony who stepped up and questioned everyone saying, "What will you do if the same thing happened to your sister or mother?" He then made it clear that the guy had to be taken to the police station and offered to help out. I also agreed with him as I felt that it was my duty as a woman to get the guy punished for his crime. Since the area was within the jurisdiction of Austin town police station, we took him there. As I observed him closely, he looked very dopey, insane and looked like someone who lived on the streets. I felt a little bad when the policemen showered him with verbal abuses, punches and kicks. The upside, however was that he would surely think twice the next time he gets the urge to harass anyone.

I bet it would have been very a challenging task to take the guy  to a police station at that time of the night had it not been for Anthony. I'm also quite doubtful if the police would have been that cooperative had it not been for him. I can't thank him enough for that night and I believe that if there were more Anthonies, India would be a much better place for women. I hope that he is happy and blessed wherever he is.

X


Through this short blog post, I would like to urge all my readers to stand up against eve-teasers.

BITTERSWEET LOVE

So happy to be back in the cool embrace of good ol' Bangalore, where the rain makes me nostalgic and want to stay home, cuddle up with a thick book, a nice cuppa and just stay lazy all day. Cuddling up with someone special would have been even better and that's one of the many reasons why long distance relationships suck.  

I have always shared a bittersweet relationship with the rain. During my childhood days, I was scared of the pitter patter on our roof and it was always a challenge for me to be alone in a room whenever it rained. Outside the house, I had a lot of fun jumping in and out of puddles and walking in the rain, purposely not using the raincoats and umbrellas that were designated to protect me from getting wet. Although it did not boil down very well with my folks whenever I reached home wet to the bone, shoes filled with water and mud. Perhaps the thrill of doing something forbidden was what made the entire experience more fun and enticing.

As a college going girl, I learnt to appreciate the rain indoors, watching it pour from the windows of my room and from the balcony of our hostel building, consumed by the fragrance that is emitted when the first drops of rain touch the ground. Rain to me spelled romance, stolen kisses and slow dances with MLTR "I wanna dance" or Eric Martin "I love the way you love me" playing in the background. The most complex relationship I've shared with the rain was in Mumbai. It was a daily struggle to commute during the monsoon, with the average time taken to get a "Ricksha" being half an hour. The "Ricksha Maharajas" also particularly favoured the season for their annual strike activities. The no.of shoes that were massacred during the course of one Mumbai monsoon was so phenomenal that I've seriously lost count. It was the rain that made me closer to the Mumbai stench that I so abhorred as we were all broiled up in the same flooded streets most of the time. The chaos, the filth and the inconvenience were just another side to it because what Mumbai rains also did was bring out the warmth in people, makes them more approachable and makes them approach more. I have shared a rickshaw ride with many strangers, some of whom were men - something I would never do elsewhere, except mm.. maybe in Mizoram. It all starts with a smile, and a simple gesture, "Would you like to share a ride?" or, "Which way are you going? Can I share the ride?". Asking for such favours or accepting such offers never seemed weird but rather so natural. Such is the beauty of Mumbai rains and it's effect on people. No wonder, it has it's on profile on Indiatimes.

Nothing beats Bangalore rains though, as it brings in a wintry flavour that tempts me to dig out those well-buried winter boots and go jacket shopping. The "romance quotient" also gets higher as the weather gets pleasant and the fragrance of it can be felt much stronger. Well, it's mostly the sweet side of our relationship that prevails here...

IIMB Football ground after a heavy downpour on 2nd May 2011 (As seen from L 403)

  

Dream Job

I remember as a kid, my answer to the standard question, "What is your aim in life?" changed at different phases of my life as my heroes, idols and circumstances too changed. I think my first dream was to get married cos' I really used to enjoy playing wedding ceremonies where I was always the de facto bride. My first kiss also supposedly happened at one of these ceremonies, which I found out only this year on the wedding day of a childhood friend when my now “ex-husband cum first kiss” reminded me about it. I don't remember enjoying weddings as much as I used to do back then, being a flower girl and all, seeing the bride in a beautiful gown and singing, "Chhei raw kha  a lawi dawn e" ( a song that was meant to celebrate the bride's entry into the groom's household). While in kindergarten, our kind and loving teachers inspired me to become one myself someday and around middle school, "Miss Universe" took over. I remember proudly proclaiming, "Juhi Chawla!!!"when asked what my horoscope was at a Miss Project Veng contest that was held among the resident children of Agriculture Complex in Kolasib. The questions in such contests used to be as simple as, "Which soap/ shampoo do you use?" and winners were mostly chosen on a rotation basis. Then I grew up, stopped growing at 5 foot something inch, acquired a lot of scars due to my accident prone nature, got attracted to the glamorous lives of IFSs (Indian Foreign Service) which eventually led to the abandonment of my "Beauty Queen" dream. Since then, I've switched to "Doctor" (mainly because it was mom's unfulfilled dream), followed by "Scientist" etc. Then, one day as I was watching friends, I came across this episode where Rachel got a job at Bloomingdales as an Assistant Buyer. For the first time I learnt that I could be paid for shopping and just like that, a new dream job was born. Unfortunately that time, the Indian retail industry was largely unorganised and the buying function was not that prevalent. I was clueless as to how to go about chasing this dream and like the others in the past, it has only remained a dream. Whether it becomes a reality or not depends on a lot of factors and who knows, I might just find another dream job along the way!

To forgive & forget

Holding grudges, letting anger take over, hatred and bitterness poisoning our hearts, is it all worth it? Sometimes it is difficult to forgive people easily, especially when their actions don't seem to show any amount of guilt or repentance. Then, there are those who inflict pain on you and are completely apathetic about it either because they are a little loose to understand or that they are completely heartless. If that's what it takes for them to get what they want, they would go for it with ease. Thinking about such people in my life makes me bitter, angry, hateful and makes me want to throw a punch every time I see their sick, seemingly happy faces. The human in me wants to see them unhappy, sad and unsuccessful in everything they do. But when I think about it, I wonder if there is any point in being so bitter. Our hatred and anger does not affect the other person as much as it affects us. There is really no point in wasting time thinking about all the negativity. Even with this realisation, I find it so difficult to make amends with anyone because there are other things like my ego which simply cannot digest the act of going up and talking to that person. My chatterbox says, "What if I have not really forgiven? It would be wrong to tell someone that I forgive when I really have not. Do they even care about my forgiveness?" Despite all the risks, I strongly believe that it's stupid and harmful to hold and accumulate grudges in life. But whenever I try to forgive, all the negative thoughts pop up in my mind and then I 'd be back to square one.

One day, I finally realised that I simply could not do this alone. I turned to God for help and prayed that I wanted to forgive and that I wanted to remove these negative scars from my life. God's answer was that I just had to declare that I forgive and that He would do the rest. A huge sigh of relief and contentment washed over me when I did this. This is the second day since I took the big step to forgive and it's not been easy. The negative thoughts still pop up and I still get a slight pinch thinking about whatever has happened, but they don't control me any more. With time, this too shall pass because it's always easier to forgive than forget.

Love

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
                                       -Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem In Memoriam:27, 1850

Why blame it on the women

It is a common phenomenon in India for women to get blamed for being raped, abused or killed. However, this is prevalent not only in India but in countries as advanced as France (as told by Audrey, my dear friend from France). I was told that the sentence for rape depends on how the victim was dressed at the time the crime was undertaken. So, the less one wears, the lesser the sentence.

 We need to look into a few aspects before pointing our fingers at these poor victims:

 1. The emotional turmoil that the victim/ victim's family is undergoing: First of all, a victim of rape will be going through a lot of anguish, fear, embarrassment and sometimes even guilt. If we put ourselves in the victim's shoes, imagine how we would feel if someone blames us for something done to us that we never asked for.  Like - why have you been cheated on, why have you let this person steal from you, why did you let him hit you, why did you let them call you 'chinki'.

2. The perpetrator: By blaming the woman or her conduct and clothes, we are giving a signal to the perpetrators and people who think like them that their actions and thoughts are justified.

 3. The fact: I have been a victim of sexual abuse ( well who is not? especially those of us who have lived in the residential areas of Bangalore and have been regular pedestrians). There are two instances that I can clearly recall: Incident 1: One was in Koramangala 5th block as I was coming back from class and I was fully clad in a salwar, carrying my books( I would have looked like a shy, obedient and studious college girl:). Believe me, I did not display any sort of provocative behaviour and the hands that attacked me caught me by a surprise. Incident 2: The next incident happened in Brigade road in a crowded street. That time too, I was fully clothed to the extent that only my feet, hands, face and neck were visible. So, you see, perverts are perverts no matter how fully clothed one is. If one was to blame a woman's behaviour for these acts, how can the rape and murder of millions of the "shy salwar clad or burkha covered homely women" be justified?

 5. Provocation? I am sure a woman who wants to have sex will always find other means to get it!

 6. Why are we so biased?: Many of us, including women are biased in the way we judge. A typical example of this:
Case A: A woman commits adultery - Typical Response: Shameless woman, how can she do this to her family and her children and BAM!! social position goes down.
Case B: A man commits adultery - Typical Response: Oh! I feel sorry for the family... It's also the woman's fault because she was always nagging, never cared about her husband ... blah blah blah!!

Also, to all the Mizo men who think that people from other states respect our women less, the reason could be you! Stop eve teasing and treat women with respect and kindness. I am sure that will change things drastically!